2019 Reflections

How crazy has this year been though? Was it just me? Is there anyone that feels that way too? I have been seated racking through my brain over and over wondering what to say about the year that 2019 has been to me as a Ray and me as mama Alva. It has really been a mix of a lot.

Flower girls

In February, my little people were flower girls in such a beautiful wedding and they had so much fun. I shared a post of the same.

2nd Birthday

In May they turned 2 but we had no party this time round because they were unwell. Please note that there’s no terrible 2 in my house. It’s terrorism 2 on here 😩 but only because they’re learning a lot of things at the same time and something I read about how fast their minds are developing at this stage so I’m not complaining. I’m actually glad I’m getting to experience this with them. I have taught them lots of stuff and let me tell you Maina, some of these things come back to bite me! I can’t even say no because I taught them, remember!

Koroga Festival

We attended our first concert together (Koroga) with all the matching outfits because they have an extra mum and we had such an amazing time, local girls were impressed. I hope next year we get to do more events together.

School

In September, my minions joined school after bugging me about it for months. See how most of us remember our first days in school and how we followed our parents when they left us behind? That’s not the case in this book imagine. Alma and Ava said bye to me and I couldn’t believe it, I’m the one that ended up crying and waiting for them outside the gate 😭. In fact Ava got there and took out her book and pencil. They loved every single day of school and I kept telling myself it’s the new uniform and shoes but I know deep down, they love school more than I ever did.

Myself

This year has been a lot to me as a mum. Most challenging but I’m glad I’m still here. I have broken down more times than I could ever remember, I have cried in front of my kids and they just sat there and held my hand as I felt so ashamed and prayed that they never remember this moment about me. Somehow I still hope that even if they remember, they will know that it’s okay to let out your frustrations because allowing them to build up from within will just drag you to the pits. I know this, I’ve been there.

I have actually sat and thought that maybe just maybe things would be better if I died or something (I don’t know how, don’t ask me).

While everything was going on well, I lost my job and that has destabilized my last months of the year. The stress that comes with not knowing how you are going to pay your bills is crazy. As they say, it gets better and we can only hope that it’ll be the same in our case.

My family and friends

I’m very proud of myself because this year I’ve made a number of friends. My babies have gained aunties and a grandpa as well. My friends have showed up for us every single day, held our hands, made us feel loved and cared for every single month of the year and I’m very grateful.

Thank you to everyone that has cared for us and supported us, for all the constant love and kind words. This goes to everyone that has bought us yoghurt as well 😁. We don’t take it for granted. Alma, Ava and I are grateful. I hope next year I can constantly share a lot more about us and our growth. To a better year ahead. Cheers 😊

Love,

Ma Alva

Pick them up from the floor…

Hi special people,

I know, it’s been long since I wrote and I’m sure it’ll be evident in my words because even coming up with these ones has been such a sport. Life is crazy, adulthood is tiring and trying to be a mother, a working citizen and a constant story teller is quite wild for me. I mean inauma but inabidi uzoee.

A mum asked me something that I found necessary to share as I have very vivid memories of the same.

“How do you prevent your child from falling when they are at that crawling stage?” Any mums reading this, do you remember the first time your child fell? The pain you felt? The knots in your tummy? Your heart breaking? I remember…

I had sworn that it would never ever happen to us. I used to watch my children very closely and I managed very well for the better part of the stage. I had learned of this hack where they would spend their day on a play mat and even sleep there during the day. The only time they would get on a raised place that is the bed is when we were going to sleep. Smart mum huh? So I thought…

Alma first…

On this day, I had just bathed them, changed into sleeping outfits then gave them their last bottle of Uji for the day. I tucked them in bed and told myself I’ll just dash to the kitchen to keep the feeding bottles before we sleep. A child who is full and about to sleep is always inactive so I didn’t think much about it plus it’s not like I was going to hide and eat my wow wow like I do. I swear, it wasn’t even 30 seconds of my absence I just heard a thud (thank God we had a heavy carpet) I almost twisted my leg because of the jump I made. I got to the bedroom and saw my little girl on the floor, I’ll not even get started on the cry. I literally sat on the floor, held her and started crying too. I didn’t know what to do. I had never thought that day would come considering how ‘careful’ I’d been. I took her to my neighbor’s who would then finally teach me how to look for a point of pain or if she’s hurt then give her a painkiller.

Ava’s turn…

This whole thing where people say that if something happens to one twin then it’ll happen to another, I never used to be a believer even though I lived with my sisters and saw it happen to them. After Alma’s fall I became more alert, even those feeding bottles used to be placed next to the bed because I couldn’t take another fall. So this day I’m from bathing Ava just in the bedroom, I place her on the bed then turn to push the basin away. Surely, this girl was on the floor already 😩. At first I was so mad I remember asking myself how she couldn’t recall her sister falling from the same bed. Then it hit me just how old she was then. Atleast this time I had the skills though.

My point is, no matter how careful you are, these growing people are so swift and the fall happens in just a second. I remember feeling like a failure for a minute there when both those falls happened then you talk and interact with other mums out here and realize that it’s so normal. It’s part of growth I guess. So what you can do best is just pick them up from the floor when it happens. Shalom!

Breastfeeding woes…

Well, hello there. First of all, I’m not breastfeeding so you can stop wondering. It’s not about me but there are things about breastfeeding that I’ve had to unlearn that I feel I should put out here since I have seen first-time mums break just trying to keep up.

You see when a woman catches the pregnants, we all go through that phase where we read blogs about exclusive breastfeeding and how it ensures baby’s immune system is strong and that it helps with bonding between the mum and the baby. First-time mums get their knowledge from blogs and the elderly women who have gone through it before. Some of the things we are told are law….or not, because somehow experiences are different and we get to find that out when we are breaking yet it can be avoided.

Dear First-Time Mums,

Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is highly encouraged and I am in support of it but it’s not something you should break your back trying to achieve. The only achievement you should pat yourself on the back for everyday is managing to raise babies that need your guidance and continuously look up to you. The only achievement you should strive to see through should be doing right by your kids and loving them unconditionally. You cannot feel inadequate or less of a mum just because you tried to breastfeed exclusively and it didn’t work. What matters is a satisfied child, no? Even in history, some of our mothers never had enough milk and babies would be given very diluted cow milk. Well thank God for technology and nutritionists who tested and certified baby formula that can be a better supplement for your little one.

I can tell you for a fact that that’s how I survived with Alma and Ava. I used to worry too about the whole ‘making the immune system strong’ and I would breastfeed them till I feel like I’m fainting but these little people never used to get full so I had no choice but to keep supplementing. I had to ask my mum how she did manage since she had twins as well and she told me that she also struggled with producing milk that my sisters had to take diluted cow milk. That made me read further and I promise you, your baby will survive on this earth while taking Naan or Liptomil or any other baby formula out there.

Bonding with your child does not happen through breastfeeding alone 🤦. You can try the skin to skin type of bonding that’s highly encouraged in hospitals after birth. You grew a whole human in you and you keep raising them every single day of your life, what makes you think that bond can be broken over something you have no control over? Yes you will take njahi, dill seeds and fenugreek seeds as advised by literally every woman around you but if they don’t work, grab your formula and let baby be full please.

Motherhood should be a beautiful experience for every woman out here. One that constantly makes you feel like you are doing a good job and that you are definitely trying your best. Stop trying to make your nipples sore yet your little one is still not getting full. This self doubt of whether you’re doing enough should be discarded because you are definitely doing more than enough. To all the other mums, please be kind to women who cannot breastfeed exclusively like you. It does not make them lesser human beings.

Love always,

Mama As ❤️.

Hack attending a wedding with a toddler

I don’t remember my mum ever taking me to a wedding when I was young. The only reason I remember attending weddings was to admire the flower girls who had their hair in a blow-out, cute dresses, and the pumps I had wanted for so long(Call it petal envy). To be fair, I was also there to feast on the food because what self-respecting African mother would go home to cook after a wedding?.

Anyway, last year I spent the whole of December combing through the internet just to see if there’s an article or something that extensively covers how to survive through a whole wedding ceremony (including the reception) with a toddler. Lo and behold, there was none. I found it to be really interesting that no one has ever thought that we need to be taught about this just like we are to be taught about VE! It may come as a surprise to some, but mothers are not born innately knowing stuff! I can’t fault anyone though, because most people do not attend weddings with their thigh high children.
My case is a little bit different…

See, my friend was getting married and she insisted she wanted Alma and Ava as the flower girls. Seems like this thing skips a generation. Dressing up these two balls of energy is the easy part, I mean, they do take after their mother after all. Flawlessness comes effortlessly. The hard part would be surviving an entire day; it is a wedding day after all. There would be playing, loud music, family, friends, and toddlers who have not sat down almost all day. Anyone that knows children will tell you that this is more dangerous than holding on to an unexploded world war two ordinance. These two minions were up at 7 am and the only time they got to nap was when we were headed to church and the reception grounds. By the time the sun was setting they were so exhausted and grumpy.
So here is a short Mom’s Guide to attending a wedding with your toddlers:

The first thing you are going to need is constant help. Luckily, I had my younger sister with me. There was a time the As got to a point where they were so tired and cranky that they just wanted to be carried around. Granted I can carry the both of them at once, but they needed comfort and not mobility, so my sister was instrumental in making sure they were ok all day.
The second thing sis to make sure the baby is very well fed. Had I known what I know now, I would have made ugali for them in the morning just to stuff their little tummies. That and because they love ugali for sure. The point is, make sure you carry food, I mean real food and not just snacks.
This is where I failed miserably since I only packed yogurt thinking that it would last us long enough to make it to the reception. I mean, the church service was supposed to be like 30 minutes long right? WRONG! The journey from the church grounds to tee reception was hell! I went through the highest form of drama, the wailing and the hollering! Although something cute did come out of it; someone kind gave Ava a sweet and when she was halfway through, she handed it to Alma because they share *pats self on the back*. The good thing is that when we got there and the food was served immediately.

Finally, purpose to remember the essentials in your diaper bag as well: diapers, wipes, petroleum jelly, snacks, drinking water, disinfectant, waterproof bib, a change of clothes, sleeping/ changing mat and warm clothes for when it gets cold. I have seen on Pinterest that people organize games that keep babies busy during weddings, like carrying a coloring book and crayons and I think this is something you can add to your diaper bag next wedding. If they take soda or anything that has sugar, make sure they dance the sugar rush away, it’s only fair. I did that and we had so much fun. Ava did the flower girl walk complete with that small basket full of flowers. Alma on the other hand, being the shy one in this little family, had to hold my hand all through.

Anyway, my daughters were gorgeous as flower girls and I cannot wait to show them their photos and videos of that day.
Congratulations to Linda and Nelson once more. #Neli4Love.

Till next time,

Mama As.

16 months later… Happy October!

“ION, you should revive the blog. Took a look at it, found it intriguing . Learning from that other side of the parent fence.”

I was talking to a dad who actually read my blog posts and this is what he told me. Well, feedback is very much appreciated and this prompted me to go back to writing again. I think I have literally underrated myself because in my mind I have been writing mostly for myself but now I’m about to switch things up and talk to everyone. I’m very ashamed because the last time I shared a post here was in June. I’m learning consistency now so I hope to practice it. In my defence, after school, a lot has happened. I started job hunting and the minions turned 1. let’s just say it has been a whirlwind of activities in my life. Sometimes I’m high there and doing okay then there are days I’m at my lowest full of worry, dealing with two sick toddlers, trying to find myself and project a better side of me to the universe. Hectic if you ask me.

I finally have a job, Alma and Ava are so grown and doing so much so I have a lot to share with my readers.

Recently I got nominated for an award in a category that is about a mother that has been very vocal about their experience. This has been such an honour, that my posts on my social media pages and on here have people reading them and relating or better yet, learning. That all the videos I upload about my daughters and my experiences as a mother speak to other mothers and mothers-to-be.

From now on, this will be a space for mothers to learn and share their experiences as well. I will post more than just what happens to the three of us. I hope with my posts, there will be a question I have answered or a person I have taught something they completely knew nothing about.

Incase you have not seen the nomination, go to awards.stillamum.com, Mum’s Voice Award number 13. Vote for me if you can – Regina Wabuko. Thanks so much. Till next time…

Mama Twins.

Sick twins? Worry not…

When Alma and Ava were born, I used to be so cautious about them being ill and most of the time I panicked because I sure didn’t know how I would handle an emergency with them, especially at night. Good thing, I had bought those baby kits that come with a thermometer, nail clippers, nasal aspirator, hair brush and comb etc. ( I bought two of those but in my opinion, if you are on a budget, it’s okay to have one) I had to learn on my own when to detect change in body temperature and when they are having difficulty in breathing. These babies were born during a very cold season, I used to wrap them in like 4 blankets just to ensure they are warm. I remember a saying by old women “you’d rather treat heat rash than pneumonia”

Ava…

This was the first one of the two to ever be sick. Her nose clogged at like 4 weeks and I still didn’t know how to unclog that using my mouth the way older women insist we do. So I took her to hospital, she tested negative for malaria and we were given saline drops though the pediatrician told me it is normal for newborns to have blocked nose. I was later taught by a friend how to use droplets of breast milk and it does work. I should have known this earlier you know.

Breast milk

People who say we should put everything in rice have obviously never used breast milk. So mums take note, if your baby has a blocked nose just express some milk and use a medicine dispenser or syringe to dispense some droplets into the nostrils. This works very fast, that restlessness disappears almost immediately.  I have also used breast milk when they had nappy rash. You express the milk, use cotton to apply heavily on the area with the rash then let the baby stay like that, no diaper, no piece of clothing around that area; it dries up after hours, you will not see any rash.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You know, when twins or rather just a baby is born and the parent’s sleeping pattern is disrupted, it’s really hell. You stay up all night sometimes just because these little people don’t want  you to prosper in sleep. My experience was so bad. I was there teaching myself how to feed two people at the same time, nursing my episiotomy stitches( do not google), I wasn’t eating well, I had a lot going on and then sometimes the twins didn’t both sleep at the same time. So I struggle to lull one to sleep and the other is playing. When one is finally asleep, I have to hold the other and try to rock them to sleep and by the time they comply, I sleep for thirty minutes tops and the one who slept first is awake and that was basically my life. I sleep trained them from when they were 3 months and by the time they were like 5 months, they slept through the whole night.

Alma…

When babies get to sleep the whole night you become kinda spoilt, life is better and you get an ‘I sleep the whole night’ glow. You say bye to eye-bags and bloodshot eyes. So when a baby falls sick at this time one feels like they are back to when they were newborns. This happened to Alma during one of the most important time in my life; I was sitting for my final exams. Baby had fever, so I’m here holding her to ensure she’s comfortable and can sleep, at the same time I’m revising. Another thing you want to have in the house is Calpol- panadol syrup. When you monitor the change in temperature you use cool and not ice cold washcloths on their ankles to regulate the temperature a bit. You should probably know that it’s also not advised to give medicine to infants. Parents just want to see their babies comfortable but when a baby is like below 4 months, even when you visit the hospital they will not give medicine unless it is really necessary but not for things like fever and blocked nose.

When your mummy instincts kick in, you will know whether the baby needs immediate medical help or if it is something you can handle till the next day. Just ensure the baby is safe and comfortable.

Nothing really breaks you down like a sick baby. Our first reaction is to panic. I have a friend, who was my neighbor, I would rush to her and give her the babies any time I felt they were not okay because in my mind, I know nothing and she knows everything. She would tell me “when you panic, your mind goes blank and even if you had a way of saving the baby you cannot anymore”. Sheila if you ever read this please know that I am very grateful and that because of you I learnt to hold it together for these two. I’m forever indebted.

Dear new mums..

When you come into this just know that it is not easy at all but it is also very okay. There are things you would see your mum do and wonder how they know whether it is a tummy ache or the nappy is full or if the baby is hungry, trust me that after a month or two on this job, you also get to know these things. I will cover them in my next posts but for now I hope this helps. It’s just a few sleepless nights then everything gets back to normal. Being a mum is all you need to get through this because your instincts are A1.

Please note that if you are a mum to multiples, when one baby falls sick you will have to take the other baby/ies to hospital so that they get tested as well. Most of the times, They have the same illness and it just takes time to manifest hence you hear comments like “when one twin is sick, the other one will be sick as well”

Till next time’

Mama As.

Happy Mother’s Day

In a child’s eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.” – NK Jemisin in ‘The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms’

Hi good people, I know I have been so away for so long. Somehow I just couldn’t miss today. See I have a lot to be happy and the primary reason why I couldn’t write anymore for a while is not a barrier anymore so I decided, what better day to make a comeback than this honorable day. It almost feels like Christmas, I just lack a new dress to wear for the day.

Give a girl the power to read and something something. I don’t really think there’s such a saying but it was fun writing that. I’m very happy and proud of myself because I finally went ahead and cleared school. People that know me know that this was such a big deal to me. I did that with my two minions by my side the whole time and my whole support system. Yay to me!

With the way time moved so fast, we have had so many developments and changes in our lives that I will be sharing with you soon and I am damn excited.

Back to today, it really feels good to be appreciated. It feels amazing! Being a person that brings forth a life and then again mold it and be responsible for it in every way till when you finally release it to the world and comfortably say “I did that”. I used to appreciate my mum alright but till I became one, I didn’t fully realize the scope of their work. From during the pregnancy all the way to when babies are here, mothers have their lives revolving around their children. The constant worry, waking up when you would rather sleep but you have a mouth to feed; I remember a day Alma had a fever at night and I had exams the next day. I had to hold her and still read because you could clearly see her suffering yet you can do nothing about it. Motherhood comes with the feeling that you can actually take a bullet for someone without having to sing about it because it is damn true. You just show it in your actions every single day.

I don’t know if it’s just me but motherhood did come with a lot of tears. I know I never used to cry much but these days I’m a whole can of tears just waiting for a trigger. They start crawling, I cry, they start walking, I cry, they say “mummy “, I cry heck even Rihanna releases a ‘vlog’ and I still cry.

Hey mothers and mothers to be reading this, this is for you. The work you are doing is appreciated. You are amazing and strong. A fellow mother here sees and knows your sacrifice. I am happy and very proud that we decided to take on this journey and I know we do our best, that’s enough. When you feel you are not doing enough just know you really are and that we are responsible for a whole generation that has to be different. We are strong and we have to raise strong people as well.

Happy Mother’s Day 🌹

2018: Ours

Happy 2018 everyone. I hope this year brings forth prosperity and favor to everyone asking for it. It’s a whole different year and I’m so excited because I know this is the year things fall into place, the year that my babies turn one and the year of more milestones for all of us.We started the year very well, trusting that God has heard our prayers and that He’s got us.

2017 was quite a year for the three of us. But with a good support system and the determination to live we sailed through it. Lessons were learnt. I will definitely talk about them on here but for now it’s time to see the year that’s 2018.

A friend of mine asked me recently how I juggle between babies, school and life generally and I didn’t have an answer. Honestly, ever since Alma and Ava were born, I don’t think I’ve had a life outside of them. My world revolves around them and that is okay with me. No regrets at all. If anything, they have made me focus much more and have given me clarity. 

When it comes to school, I think it depends with determination that one has. Right now my driving force is that this is my last semester, my last stretch so no matter how tired I might feel, I know it’s all worth it. Last semester during exams, I would put them to sleep at night then try to read for an hour. Sometimes I’d wake up earlier than them because we already established a sleeping routine anyway. It works wonders guys. One gets to rest too. There are times I’ve also read while holding them because I couldn’t wake the nanny up, she needs strength for when I’m away during the day anyway.

We are going to be consistent. We will record all happy moments, all frustrations, all their firsts. I hope to make so many steps ahead with my little loves. All in all, I hope to make them proud of me. To clearing school, to our first birthday and to all our goals being achieved. 

I intend to write more. Share about my past experiences, my present and all we go through together with you guys. This being my first post of the year I just want to wish all of you a prosperous 2018. Let’s all mould this year into something we would be so proud of. Let the conquering begin…

Love,

Mama As.

Mummy’s lucky number

7 full months. I write this today and yet even I can’t believe it. 7 months have already passed by yet I still narrate my labour story like it happened yesterday. It’s amazing just what one can achieve or go through in just these few months.

7 has always been my lucky number, ever since I was a kid. Now that we’re here, I feel this is the turning point in our lives. I feel this is where things change for the better. I feel this is where we start to actually live and see the beauty of the world and its people and not just breathe. I feel everything is going to fall into place. 

Over the past two months or so, there are days I’ve felt like a failure too. I have felt like a mum who doesn’t know how to do this mum thing right, especially when my babies had very bad nappy rash, one feels like they weren’t careful enough. Then now as I was excited about my babies starting to crawl, I forgot to mention of the constant worry that “what if they fall from the bed?” That has been me for the past three weeks. I know I’ve been told that it’s a must they fall but I just don’t want to go through this. I don’t want to see my babies hurt at all. 

All in all, I just want the world to know I’m mighty proud of myself and even more proud of my babies. I also know that we’ll be okay and we will manage just fine with or without falls.

Happy 7 months Ava and Alma. May God keep you both healthy and safe. I love you so much. 

Does it get better?

Recently I was added to this group on Facebook called Multiple Blessings and I have never felt like I belonged the way I did scrolling through their wall and reading the posts there. It’s like that feeling when you have friends who are exactly like you, same experiences and all. This is such a good initiative by the way, being on a platform where people relate to your struggles and your wins .

It doesn’t get easier it just gets better

I saw one post where a woman asked if it really gets better with twins. That made me sit and think about Alma and Ava from when they were born till now. I’m so grateful that my babies were born healthy and never had any complication and till now, we’ve been of good health,praise! But I still used to feel tired and drained and so weak sometimes. 

From putting them to sleep, to feeding them, to being scared that maybe you’ve not dressed them well enough only for them to have heat rash because of being overdressed. Monitoring them so bad in fear of nappy rash then one day they have a severe nappy rash and you feel like you’ve failed. For formula fed babies, making sure they don’t constipate because the cry of a constipated infant can make you feel pain in your womb over and over. Of course Alma and Ava have been through all these and it’s so exhausting. 

You buy the same toys but they want to fight over one

Yesterday, I left Alma on the bed for like 0.5 seconds as I was finding socks for her. When I turned to look at her, my baby was at the edge of the bed. I almost fainted. She can’t even see she’s at the edge? She can’t see she’s about to fall? What would I have done though? Cry? Anyway thank God she didn’t fall. I’ve been so excited that they’re learning to crawl but now I just want to tie their legs to mine so I can monitor them all the time. So impossible too. 

Growing up, I used to hear that when a baby is teething they just have to diarrhoea and I always knew it’s something biological. Being a mum taught me that it’s really not the case. This happens because babies who are teething tend to put a lot in their mouths; dirty toys, dirty fingers etc. Mums on Facebook have talked about babies dying because of this and for a minute I got so scared. I learnt all I could from them, keeping the toys clean and the environment around them, and now I’m happy knowing they’re a bit safe. 

So anyway, I really think it does get better, or maybe it has to me. It is a lot of work but their smiles, their progress makes it all better. When you sleep train them and manage so you finally get to rest well at night, it sure gets better. When you are out there thinking of them and their beautiful faces just push you to be and do better, it really does get better.

I’ll be having exams so I might not post for quite a while but I’ll be back. Take care of yourselves. Till next time, adios!